What do you think of my song?

You know me; I'm too soft for my own good to give any criticism but I'll try to help you as much as possible! It is a bit too long; do you have any ways to shorten it up? You added some great descriptions...and I don't see anything weird about the last sentence (though you said weird is just more interesting, is that what you meant?). Good luck with the talent show; I think you said something about that in one of your questions!